first summer adventure

The boyfriend and I went on a biking adventure & beach picnic last week! We put the bike rack on the car, stopped at a grocery store for supplies, and drove to Jamestown. It was lovely to drive over the bridge and see the ocean with the windows down. When we got there, we went to the beach first (Mackerel Cove), spread out blankets, took out the cooler, and brought books of course. We had a nice picnic of tortilla chips and grapes while reading.

After that we got on the bikes and rode all around the island. He lived there as a teenager so he knows his way around. One nice thing was when we rode by his old house and found a pine tree he planted in the backyard when his family first moved there. I am admittedly not in the best shape, having avoided exercise for the past three years, so biking wasn’t as easy as I expected… but it was still fun. And rewarded with ice cream.

The ice cream was eaten after we rode into town for lunch at a deli. Then we lingered around a bit, then got back on the bikes and took a very roundabout way back to the beach, where we lay around on blankets again and read more.

It was one of those excellent spilled-sunshine-on-the-road summer days. On the way back, boyfriend drove while I lazily looked out the windows, and was happy.

happy wandering day

The Providence Journal had a feature the other day on interesting things to do on Memorial Day. I picked “Shop Downcity,” an event on Westminster St. where the shops do kind of a sidewalk sale, selling stuff outside at discounted prices. My mom came along with me. We got there toward the end of the day so there wasn’t all that much left, but it was nice to walk around anyway.

The best part of the day was when we stopped in Tazza Cafe for a drink and ended up having a delicious lunch & dessert. I had an iced chai and a panini, and for dessert a strange and marvelous creation called pistachio napoleon. Layers of phyllo with Grand Mariner cream and vanilla-coated mandarin oranges.

While we had lunch we talked about plans for my 21st birthday in September and college graduation one year from now. About the first, I’m very excited. Plans include classy dinners at places with wine lists (one with my parents, one with the boyfriend), an adventure with my best friends (maybe a road trip). About the second thing – graduation – I’m more scared, but the prospect of a party on a nice lawn somewhere with a band playing in the background makes it better.

on love

I think my biggest ambition in life is just this: to be with the one I love (and who loves me). That's the most important thing I want. I've always thought I could deal with not getting the job I want, or not living in the place I want, just as long as I could have that powerful & lasting relationship and to know it wouldn't go away.

That seems almost unacceptable today. It seems like women aren't supposed to have romantic dreams and to place so much importance on being in love. A woman is supposed to put her career and ambitions like that first, or she's antifeminist, a relic of the past when women couldn't do anything without their husbands.

Either that or it's viewed as a symptom: I want love because I'm insecure, because I don't value myself enough, because I don't think I'm strong enough to make it in the world on my own.

But, no, those things aren't true. What's true is that I just love being in love. It brings the absolute best feelings and experiences of my life, better than anything else could possibly be. There is nothing like that magic.

And that's why my biggest fear is ending up single, that's why I hold on so tightly, why I get suspicious and paranoid over the littlest things, why I want absolutely everything, total commitment from the beginning. Because I feel so strongly.